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Child of God. Husband. Father of four. Pastor.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Conflict and Desire: A Summer Day in Chicago

As Tuesday is my day off and we are quickly running out of summer, we decided to go this Tuesday downtown: a family outing in the city. After a lazy morning of breakfast, reading (Tribune), and packing, we hit the road. Stopping for coffee at Starbucks (a much too sweet iced coffee), we pointed the family roadster east on 88/290. It is amazing to me how, even after five years in Chicagoland, seeing the skyline and then entering the Loop brings a buzz of energy. We drove to The Art Institute, parked, entered (congratulating ourselves on the brilliance of purchasing an annual membership), and spent the next ninety minutes exploring the museum. I've been to the museum many times. Of course (this sounds like a brochure, doesn't it?) I find something new and marvelous each time. I love that place, and could spend hours there. As it was, the kids gave it a run.

The parking meter quickly running out, we retrieved our repast from the car and made way for Grant Park, dining on our picnic lunch near the fountain. It was beautiful, shaded, and quiet. One brief note: I can't say that any part of the excursion at this point was necessarily relaxing. Shepherding four kids in the big city is always a bit taxing. But, the weather was soft, the scenery dazzling (the fountain to the south, Lake Michigan to the east, skyline to the west, and park to the north), and the pleasant simplicity and grace of being together and sharing a simple meal as a family delightful.

After lunch, we drove up to the North Avenue beach. Finding a plot of sand, we encamped and spent the entire afternoon talking, staring at the sky, playing football catch, swimming, people-watching, and snacking. It was a quintessential beach day. Two observations: 1) Chicago women (in general) trend toward skimpy swimwear; 2) most women have no business wearing skimpy swimwear. I was operating in a conflicted state, considering the good and the bad of the world:
Good--bodies made by God.
Bad--too little covering (skimpy bikinis) or too much covering (tattoos). Shame and shamelessness.(Yeah, I get that this is very subjective).
Good--beauty of sand, water, sky, and skyline.
Bad--littered beach, noisy city, polluted water.
Good--kids laughing and playing.
Bad--a kid who tried to steal a bag...his face bearing the shame/anger/confusion/disappointment upon being caught.
I was simply unsettled in all of it. The beauty of the world. The brokenness of the world. My discomfort at not always being able to delineate between the two. Tim Keller once said that the city presents the very best of creation and the very worst of creation. Yep.

After our very tiring afternoon on the beach, we made way to Millennium Park for my Goose Island Run to the Plaza gig with the Nike Pace Team. We took pictures by The Bean before Julie and the kids dropped me off at the Park Grill. There, I sat alone watching people, drinking Gatorade, and puzzling over why I had chosen to do this instead of going through with another potentially important engagement. Was I being selfish? Short-sighted? What am I doing here?

With instructions given and pace groups assigned, I took off leading at a good clip down Michigan Avenue, east on Monroe to the lake, and south on the Lakeshore Path. I could not shake the thoughts: What am I doing, a grown man out here running in the city while his family waits? Am I being selfish? Before long, my heart rate was elevated, a layer of sweat had formed, and I was in the rhythm of the run. I didn't talk much at all until the turn-around point, at McCormick Place. There, I engaged one runner after another. We talked about life, getting older, kids, work, running. As we made our way back to the city, Lake Michigan on my right, the skyline growing ever more pronounced on my left, I marveled at the beauty of my surroundings and the generous grace of my God. It was a beautiful summer night. I was out on a lovely path running on strong legs, surrounded by fellow human beings, all of them surely as confused and conflicted as I, and all of them enjoying the simple pleasure of a run just like me.

Back at the Park Grill, I drank my gratis 312, talked to a few pacer friends, and rendezvoused with Julie and the kids. The had had a great time splashing in the fountain. Isaiah made a new friend (natch). We retrieved the car, got some M Burger for the road, and went home. After showers we tucked clean kids into soft beds. We prayed and shut out the lights. I read my "fun" book (Walking the Amazon by Ed Stafford) while thinking about how I should be reading my "work" book (Imagining the Kingdom by James K.A. Smith). Smith, interestingly, writes a lot about cultivating a theology of desire. In immersing myself in coffee, art, sand & sea, earth & sky, a simple meal, a group run on a summer night, amidst all of the inherent conflicts I associate with each, I believe that the sovereign grace of God inhabits each, and shapes me even as it moves me toward the fulfillment of the Kingdom. O Lord, may it come soon.

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